Picture this - it's New Year's Eve. We had some friends over for a New Year's Eve party. They have a four year old daughter, who enjoyed playing with my five and two year old daughters all evening. To say that there was lots of noise and mayhem does not do the evening justice.
We had a countdown for the kids at nine o'clock. More noise - horns honking, cymbals crashing, confetti gizmos barfing confetti and streamers all over the house. The kids loved it, until the two year old cut her thumb on a noise maker. Those little tin crank noise makers are great, unless your thumb is small enough to fit into the slot, in which case you will shortly be seeing a lot of blood.
Lots of band aids, Polysporin and snuggles later, she was starting to feel better. This is around 10 o'clock now, and regular bedtime is usually around 8, so having a bad case of the tireds wasn't helping. I managed to tuck her into bed and she was almost asleep when I crept out of her room to rejoin the party.
The next door neighbours had some fireworks that are probably slightly illegal in Ontario, and called us out to the back yard to watch some cool explosions. They passed over some sparklers for the girls to light, and we all headed out on the deck to see the show. By now, the dog is getting pissed off. Everyone's outside but her, and there seems to be a commotion in the yard next door. My dog is quite protective of the back yard, and extremely protective of my daughters. Seeing one hurt herself earlier in the evening didn't help, and now the other one looked to be in danger from some kind of fire stick she was holding in her hand.
So we're all standing outside on the deck, and now the dog's really getting excited. She jumps up against the deck door, trying to slide it open, which she is usually able to do (she weighs 85 pounds). This time she was pushing the wrong way, and pressed the door completely shut, coming down on the latch. Yes, down means locked. My stupid dog locked four adults and two kids out of the house.
My wife went around to the front door to see if it was unlocked, but of course it wasn't. The neighbours are starting to wet themselves laughing by now. Did I mention it was below freezing? At least it wasn't snowing. Everyone went next door to the neighbours to stay warm, except me. I stayed at the back door so the dog wouldn't start barking her head off. The last thing I wanted then was the two year old to wake up and find the house deserted except for the idiot dog, who by now was standing at the deck door giving me a "you stupid fuck, open the door!" look.
The neighbours on the other side of us have a key to our house, but they weren't home. My wife's sister lives across town, so she gave them a call. No one home. Now we remember which friends they're spending the evening with. My wife calls again, hoping that someone is sober enough to drive over with a key.
Two friends of the kid next door come over to see if they can pop open a basement window. "What criminal background do you have?" I ask. "Hey," one guy says, slightly offended. "I grew up in Kitchener!" Ok, good enough. But he wasn't able to get the window open without breaking it, and he didn't want to do that. About this time my sister-in-law shows up with a key, laughing her ass off.
Morals of the story - don't piss off your dog, don't give a two year old a hazardous noise maker, never leave the house without a key, give both neighbours a spare key.
Oh yeah, the fireworks were excellent.
(Humour)
