Thursday, September 28, 2006

50 years and counting

The Elmira and District Curling Club is celebrating 50 years of curling with some special events over this curling season.

First up is a Celebrity Battle of the Sexes, on October 14. Here's your chance to curl with four-time Québec champion and two-time Brier runner-up Guy Hemmings or with local area curling great Elaine Voisin from the Westmount Golf & Country Club. The non-traditional twist to this event is that Guy's team will have three ladies and Elaine's team will have three men. This is a club fundraising event, and you can bid in the on-line auction for positions on the teams. Bidding is underway, and closes Sunday, October 8, 2006 at 12:01 a.m. More details are available on the web site.

Other 50th anniversary events include a Seniors' Jitney and Luncheon on October 19, a '50s Bonspiel with lunch, dinner, and dance to '50s music on October 21, and a special 50th Anniversary Alumni Open House with all-ages curling exhibition and presentations to dignitaries and past members on October 22.


Tuesday, September 26, 2006

What IS that crunching sound?

You may remember my New Year's Eve tale, when my knucklehead dog locked everyone out of the house. Well, this one is just as good.

I'm in the middle of a good book these days, so last night I headed to bed early to read. The dog was outside in the back yard. When it's cool this time of year she spends hours outside in the evening. My wife was watching TV in the living room.

Our bedroom is at the rear of the house, on the ground floor. The window is open. As I'm flipping pages in the book, I hear a noise outside. Then I remember that the dog is still out. I figure she's just wandering around, so I think nothing of it. Then I hear a louder, crunching noise.

Now, it was pretty windy the other day, and there's a poplar tree in the yard behind us that drops the occasional branch when the wind picks up. I'm thinking the dog is gnawing on a stick, so I get up to investigate. I don't really mind if she's eating wood, but it's probably not good for her.

I go out into the back yard, leaving the deck door open about a foot behind me. I call the dog, and tell her get inside. She gets up, and passes me on her way onto the deck. I notice something un-stick-like in her mouth, about the same time I realize I've left the deck door ajar. Quickly, I grab her by the tail and yell "drop it!"

The dog slams on the brakes, with her head just inside the door, and backs up. But before she backs up she spits out the treasure she was hoping to bring into the house. My wife comes over to see what's going on, and I tell her to watch her step. She looks down, shrieks, and then shrieks again when she realizes what she's almost standing on. It's the front third of a rabbit. A large rabbit.

My dog, who is nine and half years old, has epilepsy, had cancer last year, who has chased rabbits her entire life without ever getting near one, has somehow managed to bag one in the back yard. And eat it. Well, most of it.

I shoo the dog off the deck, get a bag and dispose of the rabbit. Then I take a closer look at the dog. She looks like an extra from a slasher movie. She is covered with blood, from her snout to her front feet. Out comes the hose, and the dog has a bath.

I was half-listening all evening, waiting to hear that distinctive retching noise that dogs make when they've eaten something they are not supposed to, but somehow the rabbit stayed down. This morning she had wicked gas, I mean the kind that would knock a buzzard off a shit wagon, but was otherwise no worse for wear.


Thursday, September 21, 2006

The one you touch is the one you gotta take

We're having dinner the other night - Chinese food. The two-year-old is picking through a box of chicken balls, fingering each one, trying to decide which one she wants.

The five-year-old is watching, aghast, and says, "The one you touch is the one you gotta take! Right, dad?"

And I say, "yup. In fact, that's how I got your mother."

Man, tough crowd...


Wednesday, September 20, 2006

This week in curling, in Waterloo Region

The Cambridge Centre Mall has the strangest thing in it - an NHL sized hockey rink. In cooperation with the Galt Curling Club and the Galt Country Club, the mall will be presenting an Ontario Curling Tour bonspiel this week, featuring 48 of the best teams in the province. There are separate men's and women's events, with teams vying for $25,000 in prize money.

The spiel is part of a "Curling Week" that is running all this week. The week is designed to highlight and promote the sport of curling in the Region. In addition to the OCT event, there will be a membership drive for area clubs, mini funspiel events for Little Rocks, Juniors, Men's, Women's and Mixed teams, to hopefully get people out on the ice to try the game.

The Ontario Curling Association has loaned the event their provincial championship rocks, scoreboards, carpeting and more. The mall will have one sheet of ice open for the public to try curling during the week. Free clinics will be held with instruction from Galt Curling and Galt Country Club volunteers.

The event is licensed, and there will be a pro shop, if you're in need of some new equipment. Local curling clubs will also have tables set up to register new members or provide information on their organization.


E. Coli in the spinach?

So the FDA is warning people not to eat spinach these days, because of an outbreak of e.coli that has been traced to a spinach producer in California.

I heard a story on the radio yesterday that was trying to explain how e.coli got into the spinach in the first place, and one of the possible sources was, and I quote, "farm workers relieving themselves in the fields".

I guess someone had to take a dump so bad it was best just to let 'er rip right there, then wipe his ass with a spinach leaf?

Ok, I'm gonna become a meatetarian now.


Round and round she goes

I drive through a roundabout on my way to and from work every weekday, and occasionally on the weekends. It's a pretty simple thing to navigate.

And yet, last week a portable electronic sign went up. It looks a little like this:

It says, in great big letters, "DRIVE COUNTER CLOCKWISE IN ROUNDABOUT".

Now, you would think that folks are somewhat intelligent around here. There are a number of pavement markings (and it's not snowing yet) and as you enter the roundabout there is big frickin' ONE WAY sign pointing to the right.

I suppose all these safety measures were being ignored, and someone decided to put up a bigger sign. I wonder what they'll do if that doesn't keep Cletus and Jethro from taking a shortcut the wrong way...

Here we go Around, (round, round, round)
Run-run-runaround, yeah! (round, round, round, round)
Here we go around, (round, round, round)
She's given me the runaround, yeah, ow! (round, round, round, round)

[Update: yesterday it said "GIVE SPACE TO TRUCKS" and today it says "WAIT FOR CARS".]


Rolling Stone makes a list

Rolling Stone magazine has come out with their list of the top 500 albums of all time.

I browsed through the top 100, and it's not too bad. Here's the top 10:

1. Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, The Beatles
2. Pet Sounds, The Beach Boys
3. Revolver, The Beatles
4. Highway 61 Revisited, Bob Dylan
5. Rubber Soul, The Beatles
6. What's Going On, Marvin Gaye
7. Exile on Main Street, The Rolling Stones
8. London Calling, The Clash
9. Blonde on Blonde, Bob Dylan
10. The Beatles ("The White Album"), The Beatles

I'd leave number 1, 7 and 10 somewhere in the top 10, but to fill out the top 10, I'd choose from some of these:

12. Kind of Blue, Miles Davis
15. Are You Experienced?, The Jimi Hendrix Experience
18. Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen
29. Led Zeppelin, Led Zeppelin
35. The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, David Bowie
37. Hotel California, The Eagles
66. Led Zeppelin IV, Led Zeppelin
81. Graceland, Paul Simon
96. Tommy, The Who

And of course, I'd be putting this one at the top of the list:

43. The Dark Side of the Moon, Pink Floyd

Crap, I've got 13 albums in my top 10...


Thursday, September 14, 2006

Open house

The Elmira and District Curling Club is hosting an open house on Sunday October 1, 2006, from 1:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. at the club.

If you live in Waterloo Region, come visit the friendliest club around, and meet some great people. Try your hand at curling - you know you want to.

More details, and a map showing directions to the club, are at the club's new website.

See you there! (I'll be the one chasing two little girls around the room, if I'm not out on the ice).


Friday, September 08, 2006

Choose your poison

Marc's money-making idea of the day:

A web site where you can enter certain parameters, such as your age, gender, weight, any existing medical conditions, and then choose your poison. Scotch, Advil, Tylenol, Viagra, whatever.

Click the "Numb the pain" button and you're on your way. The appropriate calculations are done, and you're presented with the slightly less than fatal dose of your chosen vice.

Remember, you heard it here first.


The Pinery Provincial Park

We wrapped up the camping season with a cool long weekend at The Pinery Provincial Park. We had one nice beach day, then Hurricane Ernesto rained on us all day, and the temperature dropped. Fortunately, one of the families we were camping with set up a 600 sq. ft. tarp and we spent all day sitting around a campfire, eating.

The next couple of days were cool, but it didn't rain, so we hiked and biked a lot. The girls played on a sand dune behind our campsite most of the time.

I used to go to the Pinery regularly when I was in high school, and it hasn't changed much, except I remember seeing deer all over the place, and we didn't see any this weekend. The park guide does say that there are fewer deer due to better management of resources, whatever that means...

This is the last trip of the year for us. Now we can get the trailer ready for winter and pack it away 'til spring. Sigh.


Wednesday, September 06, 2006

50 Questions to Ask a Republican

I ran across this yesterday, and it's just so funny I had to pass it on. I don't know any Republicans, but if I did, I'd ask them these 50 questions.