Esquire has come up with a list of 75 things to do before you die. The website sucks, so here's the list.
1: Play rugby. I haven't done this one, but my brother plays and coaches, and has played in New Zealand, where they do it right. I can take tips from him.
2: Repair an appliance. I am not qualified for this.
3: Fly the red-eye from Vegas. I've flown the red-eye from Vancouver, does that count?
4: Fly a Cessna. Done! My dad used to fly Pipers and Cessnas for years. I've flown them many times.
5: Make a list of seventy-five things you want to do before you die. It's hard. As soon as I can scrape together the time to make such a list, I will.
6: Fast for three days. Drink water. Er, no.
7: Drive the Great Ocean Road in southern Australia. Or the Pacific Coast Highway. I've driven a small portion of the Pacific Coast Highway, and it left me wanting more. I'd love to do the whole thing sometime.
8: Make a perfect omelet. For what value of 'perfect'?
9: Drive by yourself from coast to coast. Wow, that's a long way. I did discover last week that it is possible to canoe from the East coast of Canada to the West with the longest portage being only 19km.
10: Recognize the accomplishments of others. That's an easy one. I'm proud of my wife's recent accomplishments - finishing her degree and doing the Weekend to End Breast Cancer walk last year.
11: Do a flip off a diving board. Nail it. Done. I won a silver medal in diving at the Quebec Games a long time ago.
12: Leave yourself a letter in a library book. Look for it twenty years later. Will there still be libraries twenty years from now?
13: Watch a bad movie so often that when you see it by accident you can recite lines verbatim just before they are spoken. Suggest a bad movie and I might give this one a shot.
14: Toboggan, aggressively. Elmira Golf Course, winter. Meet me there.
15: Scuba dive. I would try this sometime. I dive a lot with mask and snorkel.
16: Drink mescal in Mexico. Are you kidding? People get killed in Mexico all the time.
17: Cultivate a reputation. Ask anyone at SuperMegaCorp about me. I think I have a reputation.
18: Learn three to four chords on the guitar. Well, I just bought a guitar, so I think I can call this one done.
19: Live in a hotel suite for a week. Done. It was for work, though, does that still count?
20: Milk a cow. Drink that. Er, no.
21: Build a fence. Together we stand, divided we fall.
22: Carry a totem in your pocket. Is that a totem pole in your pocket, or are you glad to see me? Oh, not that kind of totem.
23: Help someone dig out. Done! If you mean digging out from under lots of snow.
24: Pick an animal. Something cool like a wolverine. Go see it in the wild. Done! I've seen moose (really close up), deer, coyote, fox...
25: Shoplift. Er, no.
26: Throw a real party. Done! But it was in high school.
27: Live outside the homeland. Why would I leave the best country in the world?
28: Start something that scares you. I started a really old lawnmower once. It made me uncomfortable, but I wouldn't say I was scared.
29: Choose a word or a phrase and actively work to never use it again. It is what it is.
30: Eat mussels in Bruges. I've had shrimp in Bruges, does that count?
31: Break a sheet of plate glass with a ball-peen hammer. Sounds dangerous.
32: Cook the same thing (over and over) until you are known for it. Done! My BBQ rotisserie chicken is a killer.
33: Overspend. Have kids, this is easy.
34: Have a threesome. Sounds dangerous.
35: Quit something you love. That's dumb.
36: Take care of someone else's three-year-old for a day. Done! Great birth control.
37: Get very good at a sport that isn't a sport. Ok, curling attackers, let me hear it.
38: Listen to war stories. I don't know a veteran. At least, not one that will talk about it.
39: Tell war stories. Here are a few.
40: Write someone else's life story without mentioning yourself. Again, if I only had the time.
41: Sing in public. Done! I was in a band in university, The Rump Rangers. Good story behind that name. I should tell you sometime.
42: Sell everything you don't need. Once. Elmira has an annual garage sale, second weekend in May. Usually lands on my anniversary.
43: Play golf at Carnoustie. If I'm going all the way to Scotland, it's to drink a fine single malt, not play golf.
44: Play chess until you beat someone you shouldn't, then quit forever. Done! I beat my dad once, but I think he let me win.
45: Give up your seat. Done!
46: Kill, dress, cook, and eat wild game. My dog takes care of that for me.
47: Attend the funeral of someone you didn't know that well. Done!
48: Take a vow. Keep it. Done! Been married 17 years.
49: Eat a six-course meal that you prepared. I would like to do this.
50: Live at a high altitude. At a higher altitude with flag unfurled. We reached the dizzy heights of that dreamed-of world. I've visited Whistler and been to the top, does that count?
51: Spend some time working for tips. No thanks, that's why I went to school.
52: Overeat for a week. That's called 'camping', isn't it? Or I guess that's overdrink for a week.
53: Make a movie, even a short one. Done! But it was in high school.
54: Give a panhandler all of your money. I don't carry money.
55: Make beer, wine, or moonshine. Done! I've made beer - it was terrible. And wine - some of it was excellent.
56: Read Lolita. I'd be open to that.
57: Have sex in a body of water. Done! It was a hot tub, does that count? Too much information?
58: Ride a horse. Done! But it was in high school.
59: Eat congee. Eat haggis. Eat tongue. Eat kidneys. Eat brain. Eat testicles. Nope, nope, nope, nope, done!, nope. That reminds me of a good joke.
60: Walk twenty miles. Bring water. That's 32km. I've walked about 15km at a time. My wife, however, walked 60km over two days last fall.
61-63: Go to the desert. Take long-lasting drugs. Drink water. Can't see these happening.
64: Watch television for twenty-four hours uninterrupted. Sounds dangerous.
65: Save something from the dump. Have you seen my basement?
66: Climb something you are afraid of. If that was "someone" instead of "something" I'd say Done! But it was in high school.
67: Get a manicure. Not interested.
68: Eat a two-course meal that you grew. I will be harvesting basil tonight for a nice pesto. I picked some blackberries yesterday, does that count as two courses?
69: Get a deep-tissue massage. Not interested.
70: Sleep outside for a week. Done! Does the trailer count? If so, that was last week, and next week too!
71: Put a hundred bucks on a long shot. To win. No thanks.
72: Go to Paris. Tell no one where you are. Stay there for two weeks. I would do that in a hurry. The kids might wonder where we went though...
73: Raise a dog. Oh man, done, done, done.
74: Peg the speedometer. I don't think my cars can go that fast.
75: Bungee jump. I would do this.