I was in the grocery store the other day, buying a bag of dog food. While I was waiting in line at the checkout, the woman behind me asked me what kind of dog I had.
I said, "I don't have a dog. I'm on the Purina Diet. It's great. The last time I was on it, I lost 50 pounds."
She asked me how it worked.
I said, "It's easy. You fill your pockets with kibble and throughout the day you crunch on it whenever you're hungry."
She was amazed, and asked, "are there any problems with eating that much dog food?"
I had to admit that I ended up in the hospital, in intensive care with tubes coming out all over the place, and IVs in both arms.
Horrified, she asked why I ended up in the hospital. Had the Purina made me sick?
I said, "No, I was sitting in the middle of the street, licking my balls, when a car ran me over."